i stand isolated at the very edge of world...
i stand between what is known and what is not...
she walks towards me... walks up to me...
she whispers in my ear...
my guardian angel...
my guiding light...
fly me to the moon...
fly me to the moon and back...
so i might lay my hands upon its comforting light...
so i might feel its beams warm up my heart...
if only for a moment...
if only for a second...
i reply, my dearest love... my wings are broken...
i reply, my dearest love... i cannot fly...
she leans up to me... her lips upon my cheek...
she whispers in my ear...
my guardian angel...
my guiding light...
you can fly because my love will lift you up...
you can fly because my love will never let you fall...
so badly i want to believe...
so badly i want to have faith...
i close my eyes... spread open my broken wings...
i extend them to the sky... and i leap...
whether i fly or fall... is up for you to decide.
12.12.05.
i can't help the way you feel. i can't help the way i feel... i can only embrace it or deny it... so i'm just gonna accept it. i am who i am. pure hearted... always loving... artistic... passionate... especially when it comes to you.
11.16.05.
what have you done for me lately?
and what have you done for us lately. and i ask myself this every time your face crosses my mind. it's never about the big gestures. never even about gestures at all. it's just about all the little tiny things we do for each other that means the most to us. and maybe i don't get to hear how much you love me... and maybe i'm blind to see the things that remind you of me... but all i want is reassurance... is security... like the moon in the night sky... we know it will always be there when we look for it... and we know that it will be there tomorrow.
but maybe i'm being selfish. security and reassurance is not for us... it's for me... maybe i'm just looking at it all wrong. have some faith. maybe i'm just asking the wrong questions... maybe it's not about you at all... it's about me...
what have i done for you lately? what more can i do?
sometimes... we expect too much... and we want as much as we give. but that negates the purpose of giving... we don't give to get in return. we give because our hearts light up when we do something wonderful for someone we care about... and when it comes down to it all... the only thing that matters is... love.
love... appreciate it... it is rare.
11.04.05.
have you ever missed someone so much that it hurts...
so you are forced to take your mind off them any way you can... cause just the thought of not being with them is like a needle in your heart... and so you are left with the pain of a thousand needles in your heart... every time they cross your mind.
well... that's love. and it hurts. and if it doesn't... than it's not love.
11.03.05.
you speak of heartache... of pain... of hurt...
words that are prisoners between your lips...
a life sentence you've given yourself...
but i take the key hidden in my heart...
free those words from what you know...
give you the world for us to share...
but you took without giving your heart to me...
and i am left... unseen.... unfelt... uncared...
i am left... invisible to you.
10.30.05.
can you have hope without expectations...
can you have faith without doubts...
and i ask myself this when i think about you... and as much as i try to have hope and faith... it's not without expectations or doubts... and i push myself to ignore it... and i fool myself to believe it...
i try to be strong... and i try to be pure faith... an angel without wings... but with the ability to fly on just your love... and i know... it's not your love i'm trying to fool myself to believe in... it's you.
there are so many temptations in the world... we cannot be scared... we cannot be paranoid... and i realize... i have no choice but just to believe.
i believe it was oscar wilde who said... "i can resist anything except temptation."
well... here's an amendment to that quote... "i can resist anything... except temptation... when it comes to you."
10.28.05.
visions of you dance in my head...
your face... your smile... your eyes...
i miss you...
i lay in bed in this dark empty apartment...
and miss you...
so i wrote it in a letter...
written emotions on paper...
folded up this letter...
sealed it with a gentle kiss...
sealed it away...
sealed you away...
a secret to be kept...
a secret between my lips and my letter...
about how much i miss you.
09.09.05.
a fool's quest
people tell me that i'm too nice...
that when i'm too nice...
people take my kindness for granted...
but still i give...
and still i try and try to give some more...
people tell me that i should only worry about myself...
that only i should matter...
because i'm the only person i can depend on...
but still i put my guard down...
and still i stand here defenseless...
people tell me that i care too much...
that i try too hard doing all i can for you...
not listening to what people tell me...
so still i love... and still i'm waiting for someone to love me back.
08.24.05.
can you reboot your life? force to close everything that is running around you... and start over? and so i try... i press reset... and the first program that runs is words...
the journey
is it the journey... or is it the destination...
is it the path we choose... or where we long to be...
and i sit here... dark walls surrounding...
staring at my pictures of you... wanting to know...
if i should be happy... because i got to hold you once in my arms...
or sad... that i only got to hold you once in my arms.
is it the choices we make... or the chances we are forced to take...
is it making all the right decisions... or the wrong ones we can learn from...
and i sit here... dark walls surrounding...
imaging your lips pressed against mine... wanting to know...
what is more painful... experiencing the first kiss only once...
or knowing that there must be a last one.
and we make mistakes... and we stumble...
and we fall... and we fly...
and so i take this journey... away from the dark walls surrounding...
to take you out of this corner in my mind... wanting to know...
if no matter the journey... no matter the path i take...
if my heart has any other destination... besides you.
07.28.05.
she whispers "i love you"... beneath her breath...
"i" is all he keeps when the wind steals the rest...
he whispers "i love you"... while she sleeps...
"love" is all she dreams of in a sleep so deep...
i scream out "i love you"... my heart to be heard...
"you" are all that matters from those three words.
06.14.05.
chances... how many is one too many...
you've been hurt... you've been taken for granted...
so common sense tells you to move on...
but many are willing to give second chances...
many will say destroy my love again.
chances... how many is one too many...
i've hurt you... i've taken your trust for granted...
so common sense tells you to move on...
but you are willing to give me a second chance...
you are willing to say destroy my love again.
chances... how many is one too many...
i've been hurt... you've taken my love for granted...
so common sense tells me to move on...
but i am always willing to give you a second chance...
and i will say my love cannot be destroyed.
06.10.05.
everyone deserves to feel beautiful.
06.07.05.
i'm far from perfect... i see many flaws in my personality and life... and those you really know me and love me still... are the ones that i want as i part of me. we grow and learn from each other... we pick up this trait here... and that habit there... we grow old and weak and bitter. we grow arrogant and vain and strong. we are the people who are in our lives. i am a little bit of you and you are of me. and i see my flaws. so i try to hide them away. hide them to you would never see them. so that you will never pick up that part of me. i don't want to be your poison. i don't want to be your weakness. because i like you the way you are. you are perfect to me no matter what you think. i would never want you to be like me.
cause i'm far from perfect. i would never expect you to be. but i expect more in myself... for you.
06.07.05.
if you only knew...
if i would think of your face, would you know it...
if i would blow you a kiss, would you keep it...
if i would tell you i've missed you, would you believe it...
if i would hand you the world, would you cherish it...
if i would whisper i love you, would you hear it...
and if i would give you my heart... would you want it... as much as i want yours.
06.02.05.
live for the future... long for the past.
i seem to be trying to live in a world between.
06.2.05.
my ariel... my light...
always guiding... always bright...
red sun rising... blue moon setting...
into the darkness i'm confessing...
eternal light please be my guide...
lead me to a brighter side...
eternal light from high above...
be my ariel... be my love.
05.29.05.
i sit here... thinking of a destination.... thinking of a place where i can take you... where i can take you to get away from everything... and the only place you deserve to be at... the only place i want to take you... is to the stars.
05.25.05.
last week my cousin was driving down the street in his hometown...
he sees a car accident a few cars in front of him... he stops and runs out...
he sees the car on fire... his first instinct was to go and help the people in the car...
he runs to the driver side... and helps another witness take the driver out...
the driver was a teenage boy...
he runs to the passenger side... and sees a young girl knocked unconscious...
he tries to pull her out... but she's pinned down by the dash...
he tries again... but without success...
he hears a pop... backs off thinking the car was about to explode...
it was the tires blowing...
he comes back to help her... but the car is just too hot...
and he is forced to stand there... and watch her burn...
the girl was sixteen years old...
my cousin is a hero... even though he might not think so...
sometimes... heroes aren't measured by the size of the act they performed...
but the size of the willingness in their heart to do so...
he now questions all the what ifs that were possible...
what if i put the fire out... what if i ripped the chair out... what if...
sometimes... no matter how hard you try... you have no control over things...
and all the what ifs in the world still wouldn't change things.
appreciate life. it is precious.
appreciate love. it is rare.
appreciate others. they deserve it.
don't wait until it is time to say... what if.
05.17.05.
sleepless nights mean restless minds. and so i try to make sense of the thoughts that go chaotically through it. which one is keeping me awake. and i think... and i come to this realization... that maybe someone i long to take care of... doesn't need me anymore. and i feel misplaced. here and there.
05.13.05.
so i admit it...
i miss you. i really do. i just can't help it. i see your smile run constantly through my head. i see your smile... and i know... and i know that i miss you.
so many things to be uncertain about... but not this... not this. this i know.
04.27.05.
i am not perfect... and i've made lots of mistakes in my life. i do not know why i do the things i do sometimes. sometimes... judgment is not my friend... and all i see is emotions and feelings. my heart doesn't seem to be in sync with my head. sometimes i seek answers from the wrong questions. and i find myself without wings... and i am no angel. so what can i say... when sorry is not enough.
04.26.05.
i am a mood. i am deep thoughts on early morning drives... and unstoppable smiles when i'm around you. i am a mood... happy, sad, tearful, excited... i am emotions... shy, timid, giddy, lovestruck...
i am not a person. i am not physical... i cannot be touched. i am all that you feel... when you think of me.
04.20.05.
my face
you are the bags under my eyes... those sleepless nights i drown in thoughts of you.
you are the winkles on it's sides... those smiles that causes my eyes to close.
you are the pimples i don't expect... when i stress about your complete happiness.
you are the dimples on my cheek... when i laugh out loud at how cute you are.
you are the gray hairs that shine... the times i worry for you so you wouldn't have to.
you are the bottom lip that i bite... the times i thirst to have yours pressed against it.
you are all the emotions on my face.
04.18.05.
don't write to me that you're sorry... i cannot hear those words.
don't tell me you miss me... i cannot see if there's truth behind your eyes.
don't ever say that you love me... just show me that you do.
if you cannot do that... then they are just words to me.
04.12.05.
let me ask you something... please be honest.
when you write... do you write for me...
do you put words in places for me to see...
when you speak... do you speak my name...
when you mention all the things we have the same...
when you think... do you think of me....
when you order dr. pepper and i order raspberry tea...
when you dream... do you dream of us...
do you put in your dreams all of your trust...
...for me.
to be honest... i do too.
04.11.05.
counting petals
i love her... she loves me not...
she wants me to hold her but avoids my touch...
so i count the petals that fall beside my feet...
one... one night away from you is one night too much...
i love her... she loves me not...
she speak of the things that she does not show...
so i count the petals that fall beside my feet...
two... two people in love is just one more than i know...
i love her... she loves me not...
she gives me no ear to tell the secrets i keep...
so i count the petals that fall beside my feet...
three... three times i whispered i loved her while she sleeps...
and i love her... i love her for nought...
but counting these petals is all that i've got.
04.11.05.
as i drove to work this morning... i noticed the pink and lavender trees that lined the road. it made me think of you. it gave me a calm in all this confusion. sometimes i get tired... tired of caring... sometimes i just want to say i don't give a fuck anymore... i don't know. i don't know what i want. maybe i'm not meant to be loved by angels. maybe i'm not meant to fly. then i see the trees... those pink and lavender trees... and i'm calm once again. maybe i just don't want to know.
04.05.05.
last night on the way home from work... i looked at the clouds and saw it look right back at me... so i had a conversation with it...
i asked the cloud to do me a favor... to do me one task... i asked the cloud to go to one that my heart desires and protect her for me... until i am able to do so myself...
i asked it to give her shade if she is hot... give her mist if she is dry... give her a million tiny drops of dew to play with if she's lonely... give her fresh sprinkles of rain that fall from the skies to kiss her lips if she is thirsty... but most of all... give her hope if she misses me... so that every time she sees a cloud... just like you... she thinks of me and knows that i am protecting her too...
04.05.05.
play with my heart strings... play me a symphony with each stroke... let the pounding of my heart be the bass line... and create me a symphony with each beat... be the musician... that lets me hear the sounds that create our song of love.
04.04.05.
the one that got away... how many of you can say that you let that one get away... one great one... one great memory... one great heart... one great feeling between you and them. how many of you can say you really tried to hold on tight... that you did everything you could to let them know how you feel... that you care... that you miss them... that you love them and want to care for them as much as they care for you...
how many of you let that one get away... how many more do you need to lose before you start to realize... that if you find that one... hold on tight and do everything you can to let them know... that there is nowhere else they could be... that there is no one else that could love them as much as you could...
so that when you look back... look back at your life... you don't see the ones that got away... but the one that will always be there in your heart. so when i look back... look back at my life... i can say that i was the one that was in your heart... i was the one that you didn't let get away.
03.22.05.
life is a traffic jam... trapped on a highway of lost people...
we all stand shoulder to shoulder on this highway... trying to move forward... slowly... steady... some people seem to move faster... so you change lanes... but still... you seem to be going nowhere.
on a highway like this... you are destined to collide with someone else. once you collide... you then have to decide... do you try to get things fixed... trade information... spend countless months to hide the superficial damages... not going anywhere during that time... or do you continue on... a new dent on your side for the world to see... but still moving forward... slowly yet steadily... on this highway of life.
03.18.05.
i've been having several dreams lately... every night i dream... and every morning i wake... 30 minutes before my alarm does... and i remember these dreams... vividly... and i question... what are my dreams trying to tell me... what are my dreams trying to make me confront that my mind won't accept... in this waking life... this waking dream.
03.16.05.
i had a dream last night... a dream about you...
the dream started like a haze... a crowded room... too many faces... but none i wanted to see... i wanted to see you... i wanted to let you know how much i miss you... so i started to write it... and then i wrote it again... and again... and pretty soon i started to write how much i miss you on everything i saw... i wrote it on the walls... wrote it on the doors... wrote it on the mirrors in the restroom... because i wanted to let you know for sure that i do miss you... i wanted to make sure you knew. that everywhere you went and everything you did... there was a reminder that i miss you. that was my dream... strange huh?
so i woke up this morning... and i thought to myself... as hard as i tried to let you know i missed you in my dream... i shouldn't have tried so much... because i should've only had to write it once... and then trust that you knew it was true.
03.15.05.
you tell me that you want to be inspired... but those are just words... you tell me that you want to experience the world... but that is just a desire... you tell me that you are determined to go for bigger things... but empty are these promises...
stop talking... stop making excuses... stop pitying yourself... don't blame... change. just get up and do it. take a step... and then... take another. and then ask yourself... what inspires you... who inspires you... now whisper my name and tell yourself that you are inspired. that you are inspiration. because you are the one that inspires me. never forget that.
03.11.05.
maybe being normal is being in love... and that when you are in love... you act how you should act... and all the other times... is just madness... so you keep constantly search for some sanity...
you will have to trust in love and trust in me to keep yourself from going crazy.
03.07.05.
we are the talented
we are the artists
we are the poets
we are the musicians
we are the gifted
we are the fighters
we are the philosophers
we are the politicians
we are the privileged
we are the vietnamese americans
we are the chinese americans
we are the asian americans
we are the future
we are the ones that can change this world
we are the ones that have an obligation to
we are the ones that must try...
03.07.05.
if one person looks and one doesn't... then you are still half blind... you both have to open your eyes to see.
03.07.05.
you called my name... but it got broken between your lips... so you must repeat my name... repeat it... repeat it until the letters of my broken name combine with the letters of my name you have yet spoken...
i will then take a picture of my name... at that exact moment my name is perfect between your lips... i will take this picture... press it against my heart... then lift it up to the sky... place it in the belly of the stars for the world to see... for the world to know... that you spoke my name.
03.04.05.
keeping faith... losing faith...
is that even possible... to lose faith... think about it... those two words do not belong together... like day and night... it cannot be both...
faith is... more than a word... it is trust... it is believing... it is believing in something so much... that nothing can change... your beliefs... your hope... your trust... your faith...
so what does it mean... if a person loses faith... it means they never had it to begin with.
faith can never be lost. faith is always. it is forever. that is what defines it.
03.01.05.
chivalry isn't dead...
there are still knights in shining armor... i am still one. my word my shield. my paintbrush my sword. my heart my ever protecting armor.
princesses just don't need rescuing anymore... well, not like they use to. now they are stubborn... knights are not enough... so they try to create heroes from men who were not meant to do the rescuing.
they choose the prince... with power and money... superficial and vain... expecting everything... thinking they deserve it... thinking love is a commodity that can be bought...
they choose the magician... with the ability to create illusions... fooling the princesses with their magic... being more than they seem... but in the end... it's all a trick...
they choose the dragon... fierce and dangerous... putting themselves at risk... enjoying the danger... seeking the excitement of trying to tame it... but instead, get eaten alive...
so that leaves the knight in shining armor... the only one who really believes in chivalry... seeking to be needed... searching for worth... to rescue the princess... to save the day... because without that... we are just men without a cause. we are just men. but maybe that should just be enough.
02.24.05.
let me ask you something... which is better? knowing everything or being ignorant?
have you ever heard the saying... ignorance is bliss? so is it bliss? being lost? or would you rather know... know just a little bit about everything... things that are never what they seem... i personally think sometimes... knowing so much... can drive you mad. your mind wonders... jumps to conclusions...
so that's when you need to have faith... a leap of faith... to know yourself... and to know that you don't need to know everything... but trust in everything... that the things you don't know... you don't need to... cause in the end... it'll just drive you mad. having faith... on the other hand... will just give you hope.
02.22.05.
since it's been awhile since i wrote a poem... so enjoy... maybe it's about you... maybe it's about the secrets that will live with me and die with you.
the journey
love's admirations...
love's disappointments...
gives me wings to fly...
gives me weakness in the knees...
soft whispers travelling to find her...
soft whispers die upon her ears...
i will always stand beside her...
i will always stand behind her...
and i will always love her...
and i will always love her...
02.22.05.
that's life... love found... love lost... love discovered once again...
02.21.05.
we constantly stand in front of two doors... two different worlds...
the one on the right... a world we once knew... with adventures... stories... spontanious and unexpected... a world i long to belong in...
the one on the left... a world we want to know... with promise... determination... with set goals and achievements... a world i long to strive for...
on saturday night... i stood in front of those two doors... funny it was at a karaoke bar...
i stood there... between both doors... trying to decide which door i should go through... which door really wants me there... and then it just came to me... i knew the answer... the correct door i should choose... and it was the exit.
i turned around and left... i spent my whole life standing in front of two doors... thinking to myself that i had to choose one or the other... never belonging in either... but wanting to be in both. but you know what... why follow someone else's path... someone else's door...
i say create your own door... and invite everyone in. so everyone's welcomed in my world. but please wipe your feet before you enter.
02.20.05.
she says she loves me...
it is all i know of heaven... and all i need to know.
02.11.05.
it's raining outside... raindrops running against the window pane here at work... i'm looking out... seeing myself looking in.
when i was younger... i believed that raindrops were tears from heaven...
that sitting upon the clouds were angels crying over a fallen angel...
an angel that sacrificed his wings for our sins... so we can live and love the way we do...
i would walk into the street... arm wide open... look up and taste the tears...
i would look up, and find that one beam of sunlight... the one that breaks through the clouds...
and i would believe... that where the sunlight hits the earth... is where the angel landed...
and it gives me hope... to know that angels are among us.
...but then i also believed that thunder was god bowling in heaven.
02.10.05.
love is... your smile pressed against mine.
02.10.05.
i believe life is a progression... some people move forward... some move back... some just move sideways.
if you're moving sideways... you will never reach your destination. so
make a turn to the person next to you... and let them lead you forward.
if you're moving backwards.. you are just going further away from where
you want to be... eventually, you're going to trip and fall... so stop
now... make a complete 180... and run as fast as you can. you might
stumble... but you will eventually reach your destination.
if you're moving forward... reach out our hands... grab whoever you can... and guide the way.
does anyone want to hold my hand and go skipping along?
02.09.05.
life is all about timing... timing is everything... one second too fast and you can pass right by... one second too slow... and you might be too late. you can't plan perfect timing... it just happens... and when it does... you thank destiny your timelines crossed.
02.07.05.
guys... spend more time appreciating your girl... make her feel special... like there's nothing in the world you won't do for her... because she deserves it. and you don't tell her that enough.
girls... believe in yourself more... have more faith in yourself... guys get tired of constantly having to reassure you. no, you do not look fat.
02.02.05.
last night heffer and i played a little friendly game of chess. well... i was being friendly... heffer was talking a lot of trash. haha. so i had to concentrate hard, because she has already hustled me in pool. while we were playing... i would show her moves how to get me... and in the end... my king was so over-protected, that he was trapped and lost.
that's a perfect representation of my own life... being a guide to others... but in the end... i just find myself... trapped. i rarely write about my own feelings in this thing... so might as well start. how many people know about my love life. well, i have this fear... a fear that i might not end up with the right person... the person i'm meant to be with... so i find myself always second guessing myself... keeping a safe distance... so that i won't hurt anyone... because the last thing i would ever want is to hurt anyone. so i tell myself that the best thing i can do for anyone is not be with anyone. to be alone. it's the only fair thing.
johann von goeth said that "a soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone."
i always find myself walking alone. lost soul trying to find a place. an everlasting journey. and in my journies, i see all of these beautiful things... wonderfully beautiful things that others might have overlooked. it's like walking by a beautiful flower... you admire it's beauty... but dare not touch it... or pluck it.. changing it's environment might kill it... so you just sit there for as long as you can and admire its beauty. that's all i can do. that's all i want to do. protect all the beautiful things for as long as i can.
sometimes i dream that i will become a superhero... because superheroes are alone, different... but still determined to change the world... i dream that one day i will save the day... rescue everyone who needs rescuing... i would have my own superhero profile... with my own superhero card...
but no matter how hard i want to change the world... be the hero... as much as i love being the one that is there to save the day... it gets too much sometimes. and then sometimes, i need rescuing myself... and then i wonder... who will come to save the superhero? the damsel in distress? the princess in the tower? no... because they expect me to be the knight in shining armor... will the angels come save me... fly me away... maybe not... maybe i just don't belong with angels...
and then i find myself where i began... trapped behind all that i tried to protect.
02.01.05.
choices... we all hate being a second choice... at anything... games, life... especially love.
how many people have put themselves in this situation... where they are torn between two people... and they have to decide which one their heart desires...
how many people have been the second choice... someone you care for deeply has to choose between you and someone else...
how much does it hurt to be a choice... a second choice... not the only choice. love is... unconditional. without any other conditions... factors... choices... i would never be a second choice to anyone. i deserve better... and so do you. if someone loves you... it should be unconditionally... without a doubt that there is someone else that can take your place...
so if you have ever been the second choice... repeat after me...
"i deserve better... i deserve more. i deserve to be unconditionally yours."
01.27.05.
how do you define yourself... as the person you were before, the person you are now, or the person you want to be?
you should have chosen all three.
the person before... makes you who you are now... and the person you are now... should be the person you want to be.
01.21.05.
people are like audio books... you just have to listen and read along.
01.14.05.
love is not a test... it is not a game... love is faith... and trust... love is love... it can't be determined by one right answer... it is proved through actions... through all the little things that you do for someone...
just because you can say the right thing... doesn't mean it is love... just because you memorized all their favorite foods... or know their favorite color... that it is love...
love is... caring for someone so much that their happiness is worth a lifetime of pain for you... love is that feeling... that there is no one in the world better for you than they are... love is absolute trust... and faith... in each other... because love is knowing that they feel the same way too...
01.10.05.
i believe...
that no one is perfect... that the perfect person has flaws... and when you love someone... those flaws will become the little things you cannot be without...
i believe...
that no matter how far apart your hearts are... you are together if you can see the same stars at night... the same moon that lights the way... the same sun that guides the day...
i believe...
that there are two types of memories... the ones in your head... and the ones in your heart... the ones in your head tells you what to remember while the ones in your heart tells you what to believe... sometimes... the memories you want to believe can be the ones you don't remember... memories not yet made... but if you believe enough... your head will turn those memories real...
so what do you believe?
01.10.05.
what seemed so clear once... felt so real once... has became a fuzzy haze of two worlds i'm torn between...
i remember the exact second i saw you... your eyes gleaming as you ran towards my arms... you held me tight... and all i could do is place my arms around you... not wanting to let go... kissing the top of your head... whispering to myself how great it feels to have an angel in my arms... everything afterwards is like a dream of a memory... not complete... consisting only of the images of your beauty... these images flash before me to make it all real again... the look in your eyes... the scent of your hair... the touch of your skin... and your smile... how i love your smile... your smile that makes me melt... your smile that makes me weak... how i want to taste your smile...
and i end up asking myself... was it real... or was it all a dream?
01.07.05.
have you ever felt like the more people you know... the lonelier you are?
01.06.05.
passionate kisses...
i realized that there is nothing better than those passionate kisses. not tongue sloppy, sexual kisses... but those passionate sensual kisses... the ones where you start off slowly moving towards each other... eyes closed... lips gently pressed... you can feel the breath of the other person's on yours... one kisses the top lip while the other kisses the bottom... then it's like you become one person... like you become complete... like two pieces of a puzzle that fits perfectly together...
i realized that there is nothing better than feeling like that... like you were made to fit... like there's nothing better... than those passionate kisses..
01.04.05.
i miss the salty taste of tears...
12.30.04.
to love and not be loved... is like the truth and the lie...
it is... love's paradox.
12.16.04.
may you make a wish on every star in the sky...
may all those wishes come true...
and if any of your wishes ever fall or die...
then a new star is born for you...
12.13.04.
and in the end, you find yourself asking why does our heads and our hearts have to always speak out of sync...
12.01.04.
have hope... even angel falls... but love makes you float... and dreams are like feathers... collect enough of them, and you will fly again...
11.16.04.
a beautiful paradox...
is what you are to me... a beautiful mystery i cannot solve...
a question without an answer... a riddle without a twist...
how can such a beautiful paradox... mean so much to me...
how can a mystery hurt me so... bring me so much pain...
give me sadness and yet still be so beautiful to me...
this beautiful paradox is an oxymoron... beautiful her...
painfully... hurtfully... tearfully... beautifully hers...
11.12.04.
when we get into a relationship... we stop becoming 2 seperate people... and just become 1...
not just habits... preferences... lifestyles... but problems...
i learned that when you are with someone... their problems become yours...
because when you care for someone... you never want them to suffer... hurt... so you share their pains... you share their hurts... and you try everything in your power to make it better for them...
well.. that's how it is with me...
if i could... i would take all your hurt away... i would rather suffer from them... then to ever let you go through it... if i could... i would never want to share your problems... but take them all on my shoulders...
11.04.04.
i would never let you get sad...
if you ever were with me...
i'd be too addicted to your smiles...
to ever let that be...
10.26.04.
what you need to stop and realize is that... the second you take something for granted... it's gone... it's lost... and you will then notice how important it once was to you... how you cherished what you had... what will never be there again... because you, for one second, took it for granted...
10.21.04.
lovestruck... like lightning... what are the odds...
to be struck by lightning once... 1 in every 800,000...
so there is an odd... a small odd... but it only needs to happen once...
lovestruck... like a flash of lightning...
quick... painful... and gone before you know it...
09.30.04.
walking on land
keep grounded...
do you want to know how to keep someone in your memory forever? here's what you do...
go up to someone... and ask them to look at your watch... now tell them from that moment on... you are one minute friends... that you now share that minute with them...
from that moment on... everytime that minute comes each day... everytime you notice that minute... you will think about them... and they will be a part of your life forever...
excuse me... but do you know what time it is? do you want to share that minute with me?
walking on water
keep floating...
albert einstein said, "we can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
people complain about problems... about drama... but what they don't realize... is that sometimes... it's all about perspective... we just have to see everything in a different way...
if a relationship doesn't work out... it's not because of something you did wrong... it's because it's not meant to be... because there is someone even better for you out there...
if things don't go your way... have faith... have hope... open your eyes a little more... see the other side of things... even the dark side of the moon pull the tides...
walking on clouds
keep flying...
when you look at the stars... and you close your eyes... make a wish... what do you wish for? money? love? most likely... you wish for something you want to have... meaning you are not happy with what you already have... you go out and try to find more... more material things... more affection... more love...
why do we tend to make selfish wishes... all of those things are things you think you need to make yourself a little happier...
happiness does not come from getting what you don't have... it comes from enjoying the things you already do... spend more time with an old friend... cook dinner for someone you care about... go through all the old things you have and enjoy the memory that is associated with it...
don't tell me it wouldn't put a smile on your face... do a little more with what you have... expect less... and then you'll find real happiness... so you'll stop looking towards the stars... and just see what's already in front of you...
do you want to find true happiness? just call up an old friend for dinner or coffee or boba tea... talk about the good times... the times to come... and you'll see what i mean
09.27.04.
something to ponder about....
being a part of someone else's memories... is like looking at your life through someone else's eyes... your life is made up of the collection of memories of how other people see you... not how you see yourself... because when we look at ourselves... we only see a reflection... everything is backwards...
so how you want to be remembered... depends completely on someone else... so live life not only for yourself... but for the people you care about... because it is their memories of you that will let you live forever...
09.20.04.
we all find ourselves in situations, where we have to question our judgement... question if what we're doing is best... but then you realize that sometimes, the most wonderful things... the most magical things... are the things that can't be explained... the irrational... and then sometimes, you must forget... and just stop questioning things... there's no point anyways... you're never gonna find the answers you're looking for...
09.20.04.
there's never enough time in the day. never enough time to spend the seconds with someone you really care about. i wish i had more time. if only i could, i would reinvent the day for you.
09.15.04.
who says relationships have to last forever?
5 minutes could be just as meaningful as 5 years...
to me... just to have those 5 minutes... just to know how those seconds feel... being with someone i care about... is worth it all...
09.03.04.
meaningless
gasping for air like a fish underwater...
words are meaningless...
whispered thoughts speaking out loud...
undefined is my life without you...
closing my eyes to see the warmth of color...
like a song without a note...
preparing for rain on a day without clouds...
a poem without meaning...
09.03.04.
and i sit, and i ponder.. what is missing... why are you drowning in troubled water... and i ask myself.. what makes you happy... who makes you happy... who do you miss... who do you hate... who do you love... to pretend it never happened... meant it happened before... so this who could never be me... because you can't hate or love or miss something you never had before... something you never let happen...
and so i get short of breath... and so i gasp for air... and i realize... that i'm drowning too...
08.27.04.
if you're with someone, there's no such things as faults. when you care about someone, love someone... what we consider faults... is what should make that person perfect to you... faults are opinions... they are not meant to be endured... they are meant to be the little things about a person that makes them even more lovable... a person's imperfections are what makes them specifically perfect for you...
08.24.04.
everyone has a path they must follow... everyone moves in different directions... it's the moments when we cross paths... that we must stop asking why two out of billions of people were placed at the same place at the same time... and just thank fate that everyone has a path that intertwines...
be grateful for those rare moments when fate put your paths together... never try to stop someone from following their path... and one day.. you'll find someone that will have the same path as yours...
08.24.04.
sometimes... life is like a box of chocolate... there's always a few mixed nuts
08.19.04.
the things i do now... i do for you... i do for us... because one day... it's going to stop being about me... stop being about you... and the only thing that'll matter... is us...
06.15.04.
time is not free... time is an invention... and inventions are made.
05.27.04.
the most beautiful things... are the things you take for granted...
05.23.04.
thank you god for keeping the angels safe... thank you god for keeping you in my life...
05.19.04.
you can't see me right now... but i'm making funny faces at you...
05.12.04.
thinking about...
who you really are...
is it anything close to who i think you are...
sometimes... you have an image of someone... and they seem perfect...
but maybe they only seem that way because you care about them...
so nothing else matters...
not vanity... not selfishness... not even your own happiness...
and you wonder...
and you doubt...
but you are always too scared to let go...
because you don't want to lose them...
but you are always too scared to move forward...
because you don't want to change the image you have of them...
so you are stuck... in limbo...
05.07.04.
it's hard to know what's in a person's heart...
sometimes you have to look in their eyes to know...
05.06.04.
time has been the topic on everyone's mind...
precious... precious time...
but the truth is... there is never gonna be enough time...
because time moves forward even when you're not ready to...
and time changes... alters... complicates...
and those who think they have all the time in the world...
they just don't realize that there's never enough time...
to say that last goodbye...
to share that special moment...
to say i love you...
to fall in love...
to cherish your friends...
to make a difference...
to be a dorky corny guy like me...
to make you smile...
if i could only have more time...
i would do everything i've never done before...
and then i'll do it all once more...
05.04.04.
they're only dreams... nothing near of being reality...
only dreams because that's all they're ever going to be...
04.28.04.
my life can be described as a bag of m&m's...
sometimes it's plain... sometime it's peanuts...
04.22.04.
i know nothing about you...
well, i know your favorite color... your favorite flower... what you like to eat... what song to sing you to sleep... what tickles your mind... what melts your heart... what reminds you of me... what reminds me of you...
i can know every tiny detail about an angel... but that doesn't mean i know her...
and it's just so completely scary...
to know about you... but not who you are...
we all wear masks... yours is made from the moonlight...
you hide behind it every night...
all i can do is hold you... but i am barely touching you...
i never sleep... there's just so much to do... so much to say... can't close my eyes...
04.01.04.
i think i suffer from something i call, the "knight in shining armor syndrome"...
i want to be a knight... i want to save the princess... i want to be chivalrous... i want to be your hero...
03.29.04.
inspiration is like a virus... i need to get infected... and it needs to grow from me...
03.26.04.
why does it seem like the second i gain something, i lose it?
03.17.04.
tears in heaven...
is like life without love...
there could never be tears in heaven...
03.08.04.
simple love...
such an oxymoron... how can love be simple... hahaha... i think it's the most complex thing ever... but maybe our minds make it that way...
maybe love is simple... simply simple... simply just two people in love...
when all there is, is love... and all you need is love...
love is all you need?
do you think it's true?
sigh... so i just keep telling myself...
love is all i want...
when all i need is you...
03.04.04.
everything happens for a reason...
sometimes you see it... and sometimes you don't...
it's like the moon...
you can only see parts of it at a time...
only the obvious...
but you know it's always all there...
you just have to remember....
even the dark side of the moon pulls the tides...
03.04.04.
i want to be cared for as much as i care... but who doesn't...
but it's like snatching angel feathers in the dark...
02.28.04.
there's been a drought... a drought of deep thoughts... i no longer drown... i no longer swim... but step on dry ground... dehydrated... missing my thoughts... of you...
02.20.04.
i miss what it was... and what it could never be...
02.03.04.
it's all about possibilities for me... if you are willing to see them... and if not... then you just might pass up something possibly... wonderful...
02.01.04.
i'm addicted to hugs...
02.01.04.
have you ever fallen in love...
tell me about your first time...
as for me...
i hope my first time starts with you and i...
01.19.04.
touching is not the only way to feel...
01.19.04.
you are in my life right now because this is the time we need each other.
01.16.04.
you tell me my heart is not for someone to hold... but for me to give. my heart is something hard to part with... but i am always willing to give... but it takes someone truly beautiful to accept it... accept my gift... and cherish it always...
will you take it if i give it to you?
luckily my gift comes with a gift receipt and a warrantee.
01.10.04.
you look at yourself and you see the world on your shoulders...
i look at you and i see the world in your hands.
01.07.04.
if you could know just one thing about the future... just one... what would it be? to know where you will be? how successful you might be? your true love?
i would ask where you will be... so i could make sure i am always next to you.
12.09.03.
relationships are like shoes.
girls always tend to buy those expensive, fancy, good looking shoes that never fit right. but they wear it anyways, even though it hurts their feet. like how they are with guys, always falling for the good looking guys, and sticking with them no matter how much they hurt.
then there are those tennis shoes that are worn out, but you're so comfortable with them, you'd never get a new pair, so you use tape to hold it together by the tiny threads that are still left on them. like relationships, it's hard to know when to say when. sometimes, you know that it's time to move on, but being with something you've been so comfortable with so long, you don't want to let go. so things fall apart bit by bit.
i'm like a your favorite pair of flip flops. just so cute. hehe. =) fun, comfortable, casual, always right there when you need them. i give you complete support without costing you much at all. i fit you perfectly, never restraining, always stylish, completely light. i am durable, and everlasting. walk with me... and you can never go wrong.
12.03.03.
want to know what i realized this morning...
i don't shed tears, i shed feathers.
10.13.03.
someone needs to prove to me that they're worth the effort... to make it effortlessly.
10.09.03.
i want to run. i want to go jogging. i want to sweat. i want to lose water. i want none left for tears. actually. i haven't cried in forever. maybe i never had any left for tears to begin with. oh well, as long as i'm not staying still. someone asked me if i'm happy about how my life is leading. well, i'd rather be going in circles, going nowhere, as long as i'm circling around you, then have a life that leads somewhere without you.
10.05.03.
let me steal a whisper
let me steal a kiss
let me find a feather
let me make a wish.
i close my eyes..
and i wish for...
somewhere to belong.
10.05.03.
u give your heart out that easily and no one is up for grabs?!?
my heart isn't like any regular apple growing on a tree for the picking. it's that one apple, that's just so perfect, so sweet... that sits all the way on top of the apple tree.. just out of everyone's reach... but when the right girl comes along... it'll just fall gently right into her lap.
10.01.03.
giving you the world is the easy part. giving you each star from the sky is what i'm after.
09.28.03.
i want to be a mystery.
i want to be unpredictable, unknown, unseen.
i want to keep you guessing.
i want to be surprises when you least expect.
i want to just be myself around you,
whoever that might be.
because sometimes,
it's still a mystery to me.
09.24.03.
sometimes the best things said are not spoken, but felt. actually, i would do anything to have the chance just to listen to you breathe. to be near enough to hear all your thoughts with each breath you take.
09.22.03.
some say nothing is impossible. only improbable. and with probability, there is always a chance for error.
09.18.03.
have you ever wanted something so badly that you convince yourself not to want it because you know that admitting the truth will reveal the consequences.
09.18.03.
only you can find your own path. even if you make some mistakes on the way. even a clock that doesn't run is right twice a day.
09.10.03.
we all live blindly sometimes. so i'm willing to give you my vision. and if i ever go blind, i'll always have the paintings in my mind.
09.05.03.
don't kiss by the book. the book is what everyone knows is perfect and should be right. don't kiss by the rules of what things should be. go beyond that. beyond limits. passion is going beyond the book. passion is doing what is unexpected, than doing much more. passion has no boundaries, no bindings, no limits. passion is all you should ever know.
08.25.03.
distance can really hurt a relationship. i cannot stand long distance. so what is considered long distance? across the country? state? city? maybe long distance is out of arms reach. if i cannot stretch my arms out and hold you tight.. then you are just too far from me.
08.20.03.
life is the metaphor. love is the contradiction.
08.18.03.
what is perfection? how can you define something that doesn't exist. perfection is in the eyes of the beholder. you can't judge someone of not being perfect unless you are perfect yourself... and, trust me, no one is perfect. the only thing that is perfect is the way you love someone. perfectly.
08.18.03.
most people have rolls on their stomachs... i have a bakery.
08.15.03.
dreams are not given, they are made.
08.05.03.
we are pieces of a the perfect puzzle. put us together to see the full picture.
07.08.03.
you say we will always have tomorrow, but what if i'm not here tomorrow, i'm here now, for you, but then will it be too late to live for today?
07.04.03.
say goodbye to heaven
say goodbye to hell
another fallen angel
another tale to tell
yesterday is forgotten
the past not spoken of
when god created angels
before god created love
then love became forbidden
then love became a lie
when lost became the angels
who lost their will to fly
07.01.03.
when you have no limits,
do you reach for the ceiling or the sky?
always go beyond. reach for the next thing up. you never want to walk straight, then things will never change. always take the steps to go upwards. reach for the moon and the stars.
06.19.03.
when i think about you,
i feel like i'm walking on air.
like i'm walking on feathers, on pillows, on air.
06.14.03.
and i wait for you. and i wait without you.
06.13.03.
fate. destiny. our paths are written in the stars. believe that things are meant to be, every little thing effects the next. and if our paths happen to intertwine, then that's meant to be too. you were meant to be in my life, and i in yours. i just hope that eventually we'll share the same path.
06.12.03.
love... love is like a drug. addictive, impulsive, destructive. but once you have a taste of it, you want more. you need more. and the second it's taken away from you, you'd do anything to get it back. but some people try to move on. some people try to quit and then some people are forced to. and then there are people like me. i'm going through withdrawal. is there such thing as "the patch" for love. you know, put it on my arm to help me get over it? i just gotta keep telling myself, i can bite the habit. or maybe i should start a L.A. organization... love-aholic anonymous. hi, my name is jonny, and i've been love sober for 2 months and 6 days.
06.11.03.
the next time you get out of class or go somewhere with a lot of people, do this for me. notice the doors. have you realized that when everyone has a place to go, they all pack themselves through the same side of that little door. they just follow each other so mindlessly. don't be a follower, be a leader. don't be like everyone else, be an innovator. open the door right next to it, and walk right through.
06.08.03.
why are people scared to be alone?
isn't arguing with yourself enough?
06.08.03.
i miss what it was... and what it could never be.
06.04.03.
sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if it leads you to a place where you know you're not suppose to be.
05.24.03.
protect happiness, don't pursue it.
if you only walk on sunny days, it'll take forever to get anywhere.
05.02.03.
love our women like we love our drinks...
straight up, no chasers
04.28.03.
you were the best part of today...
you are the best part of tomorrow...
and the worst part...
you give me something to look forward to,
but nothing to go back on.